Miscommunication

Miscommunication


A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, 'What are the grounds for your divorce?'

She replied, 'About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.'

'No,' he said, 'I mean what is the foundation of this case?'

'It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,' she responded.

'I mean,' he continued, 'What are your relations like?'

'I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.'

He said, 'Do you have a real grudge?'

'No,' she replied, 'We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.'

'Please,' he tried again, 'is there any infidelity in your marriage?'

'Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.'

'Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?'

'Yes,' she responded, 'about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.'

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 'Lady, why do you want a divorce?'

'Oh, I don't want a divorce,' she replied. 'I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!!

Miscommunication

Miscommunication


A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, 'What are the grounds for your divorce?'

She replied, 'About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.'

'No,' he said, 'I mean what is the foundation of this case?'

'It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,' she responded.

'I mean,' he continued, 'What are your relations like?'

'I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.'

He said, 'Do you have a real grudge?'

'No,' she replied, 'We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.'

'Please,' he tried again, 'is there any infidelity in your marriage?'

'Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.'

'Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?'

'Yes,' she responded, 'about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.'

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 'Lady, why do you want a divorce?'

'Oh, I don't want a divorce,' she replied. 'I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!!

Why indian mom's are the best in world

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that
he is going to get married. He says, "Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women
and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, "Okay Ma,
guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
" That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The Indian mother replies,

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" I don't like her " ....!!!!!!!! !!

Some UK idiots

Police expose 999 'time wasters'
Police in Cambridgeshire have released a compilation of time-wasting calls made to 999.

The calls included one person who wanted to know the date, a woman who could not find a DIY store and another who wanted to speak to the Prime Minister.

Despite the non-urgent nature of the calls, operators are told to remain polite, composed and calm at all times.

Police have released transcripts in the hope of reducing the number of trivial inquiries they receive.

Call 1

Operator: "You're through to the police, how can I help?"
Caller: "Hello, I know this ain't emergency, but what's today's date?"
"Is that why you are calling on 999?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, it's not an emergency and it's not something you should be dialling 999 for."
"Alright, good night".

Call 2

Operator: "Hello it's the police here."
Caller: "Yes, sorry, I can't find Homebase and I'm getting really distressed, who can I ask?"
"You can't find Homebase?"
"Homebase in Huntingdon and I'm getting really stressed and in tears, I've had to pull over and I just don't know who to ask."
"That's not really a 999 call, it's not a life and death emergency is it?"
"No it's not, so who can I phone?"
"Is there some one on the street you can ask for directions?"
"I've asked several times, I'm sorry I'm in tears. I'm sorry I won't call again."
"You're best asking some one in the street for directions or finding a map. It's not a 999 call."
"Thank you."

Call 3

Operator: "Cambridgeshire Police emergency, may I help you?"
Caller: "Is that the police? Oh good, perhaps you can help me. I want to get a message to Sedgefield, I want to speak to the Prime Minister and I want to get hold of him - just to give him good wishes and say that he's my type of chap."
"Right, you need to ring London then not Cambridgeshire."
"Can you give me - I can't seem to get any sense out of anybody this morning. Give me the telephone number will you?"
"I can't - I haven't got the telephone number for the Prime Minister's office."
"How can I get hold of it then?"
"Have you tried directory enquires?"
"I've tried them and I haven't been able to get hold of it."
"I'm sorry."
"How do I get hold of him them?"
"You'll have to try the Prime Minister's office."
"How can I get the number?"
"I haven't got it."
"Well I haven't got it either."
"I can't help you on the emergency line number."
"This is an emergency."
"It's not a life and death matter."
"How the hell do I get hold of him then?"
"You have to go via directory enquires..."
"I've tried and haven't got any sense."
"Or ring the Houses of Parliament and see if they can help you."
"Can you give me their number?"
"I'm sorry I can't give you their number on emergency line."
"What line do I ring?"
"Directory enquires."
"What's their number?"
"118 118."
"Will they be able to help?"
"They'll be able to help you with that."
"This is absolute idiocy."
"I'm sorry I can't help you on the emergency line."
"You don't seem to be able to help me with anything do you?"
"Try directory enquires...."
"Thanks for your help... good bye."

bank jokes

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"
The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
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If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.





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Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"

"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"

"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"

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Things you would NOT want to see happen at the ATM


You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card. You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.

You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.

You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.

You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.

You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."


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How bankers do it...

Bankers do it risk-free.
Bankers do it just for money.
Bankers charge a fee each time they do it.
Bankers do it with varying rates of interest.
Bankers do it with a penalty for early withdrawal.

Old joke with new ending!

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love Romance.
The second floor has wives that love Romance and have Money and like Beer !
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited!!!

What If This Happens To You

The husband checked into the hotel.

There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... ..somewhere , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.

He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer

screen which read:

Confusion

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree

true happening..

This happened in Jeddah Airport in Saudi Arabia (I cant believe)

One Indian passenger named Anantharaman Subbaraman arrived at Jeddah airport.

He ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hrs for the authorities to call his name...

Finally, he got wild and went to the Saudi authorities and shouted why they haven't called his name yet.

They retaliated & claimed that they have been calling him for the last hour and a half ......... and were wondering why he hadn't responded!

The reason was made clear when the Saudi immigration officer

announced his name again on the microphone as : 'Anotherman Superman'

If you take one more step ...

A 30 years-old man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,

"If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."


The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.


He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted,

"Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."


The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.


The man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.


"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Ati kya khandala......(just enjoy u)

Ati kya khandala......(just enjoy u)





urdu:
A Kya Bolti Tu
A Kya Mai Bolu
Sun
Suna
Ati Kya Khandala
Kya karu Ake mai Khandala
Are Ghumenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya ?

English :
Aye what do you say?
Aye what should I say?
Listen.
Speak on.
Coming to khandala?
What should I do, coming to khandala?
We'll roam, we'll loaf, we'll sing, we'll dance we"ll
freak, baby,what else?

Sanskrit :
This is too good
Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi
Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh
Shrinvasi!
Shrunha
Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi
Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh
gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja
karishma, kim karishyami?

Punjabi :
A ! ke boldi tu;
A ke mein bolan;
Sunh
Sunha
Chaldi khandala
Ki karaan ae ke mein khandala
Are Ghoomenge, Turainge, Naachenge, Gaavenge, Mauj
Karenge, Aur Ki ?

Gujarati :
Aye shun bole tu?
Aye hun shun bolu?
Sambhal
Sambhlaav
Aave chey su khandaalaa?
Shun karu aaviine khandaalaa?
Ghumshun, pharshun, naachshun, gaashun, majaa karshun,
beeju shun?

Marathi
Aye kaai tu mhantes?
Aye kaai mi mhanhu?
Aik
Aikav
Yetes kai khandaalaa?
Kai karu yevon mi khandaalaa?
Are ghumuyaa, phiruyaa, gavuyaa, nachuyaa, aish
karuyaa, aankhin kai?

Kashmiri :
Heey, kya chaakh wannan
Heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy
Booz
Wanoo
Pakha telle khandalaa;
Kya karee weeteth bhe khandalaa
Pherevhey, nachevhey, geevevhey, khevevhey, eesh
karav, beyy kya?

Konkani :
Aye ! kitte sangta tu?
Aye ! aao kite sangu?
Saang
Saan! gta
Khandalaa yeta ghi?
Khandalaa yevun kithe kharche?
Bhovya, Phireya, Naachya, Gauya, maja korya, anikithe?


Bengali :
Ei ki bolis tui
Ei ki ar boli
Shon
Shonaa
Jabi ki khondalaa
K! i kori giye khondalaa
Are, ghurbo, phirbo, nachbo, gaibo, maja korbo ar ki?


Malayalam :
Aye yenna pariyunnu?
Aye nyan yenna pariyu?
Keku
Pariyu
Varinno kh! andala?
Yendu cheyam? Nyaan vannu Khandaala?
Karangam, chuttam, paadam, aadam, maja
cheyyam,verendha?

Telugu :
Aye, ainte chaepphuta vu
Aye,ainte chaepala
Vinu
Chaeppu
Wastava Khandala
Yem Chesedhi? vacchi Khandala
Thiruguthamu, eguruthamu, aadthaamu, paadthaamu,maja
chesthamu inkemi?

Sindhi :
Aye cha thi c! haen tu?
Aye Maan chaa chavan?
Budh
Budhai
Acheti cha khandaalaa?
Cha kandis achi maan khandaalaa?
Are Ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi,
Nachandasi,aaish kan! dasi, byo cha?

Magahi : (BIHARI)
A ki bolahin tu
A kya boliyuow hum
Sun
SunaowAaimahi ki khandala
Ki kariaow aake hum khandala
Gumbai, Phirbai, naachai, gaayii, aish karbai aur ki

Assamese:
ey ki kua tumi?
ey ki kom moi?
sun
suna
ahibi ki khandala?
ki korim aahi moi kahandalaa
are ghurim,phirim, nasim,gaam, khub phurti korim aru ki?

Tamil:
Enna solre
Ennatha solla
mudalla kelu,
sari sollu
Kandala variya
kandala poi enna panrathu
Vera enna .oor suthuvom aaduvom paaduvom jalsa
pannuvom
Foreign Languages :

German :
Was sagst du?
Was soll ich sagen?
Hor mal!
Sag mal!
Kommst Nach Khandala?
Was machen wir in Khaldala?
Wir gehen, spazieren, tanzen, singen, haben spaCx,
was noch?

Spanish :
Tu que deceas?
Yo que deseo?
Oye
Di me
Vas a tu khandaalaa?
Que haceo, yo voy en el khandaalaa?
Viajamos, vagabundeamos, bailamos, cantamos,
disfrutamos, si no.

Chinese :
Ain, Chon Zuan Ho?
Ain, Chon Hee Zuano?
Sui,
Suion,
Hyuan Chon Khandala?
Chon Tsuani Hyui Hee Khandala?
Chijuan, Kajuan, Marijuan, Siuan, Samshuan
Tsuaniya Tsu Chon?

Russian :
Aeich, Kov Speache niv?
Aeich, Kov miv Speache?
Nuushev,!
Nuusheva,
Comeva Kov Khandala?
Kov Sheychev Comov miv Khandala! ?
Rotiv, Rotrach, Balleva, Opereacha, Enjova
Sheychevin, Kov
Gobraich?

French :!
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu dis?
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu me vouler dire?
Entendre
Entendrez
Est-ceque tu viens a la Khandala
Qu'est-ceque je fais a aller a la Khandala ?
Promenez,! Allez, Dansez, Chantez a quelle?

Zambesi : (African)
Aye, Zwa To Zulu,
Aye, Zwa Ze Zulu,
Wahte,
Kaso,
Heliyo To Khandaalaa?
Zwa Kumi, Helithe Khandaalaa?!
Himala, Romala, Wahwahla, Infala, Kumaya Kumana, Ni

Cowboy and IT Consultant Joke

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW 7 Series advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Cartier sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his HP notebook computer, connects it to his Nokia N95 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany...



Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'

'You're an IT Consultant', says Bud.

'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of
sheep...'

''Now give me back my dog''.
__________________

No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
Nelson Mandela

Joke of the day.....

MERA BHARAT MAHAN !!!!!

Pakistani, Bangladeshi and OUR Sardar are in a bar one nigh.The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.
'
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'

OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshi that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.'

Balle balle !!!!

tamil jokes..

Sardhar:vaigai express poiducha??

Station Master:No

Sardhar:Pandian Express??

Station Master:No

Sardhar:Nellai Express??

Station Master:No sir.Neenga yenga poganum??

Sardhar:Thandavalatha thandi poganum




Student:enna sir idhu??

Sir:Question paper.

Student:enna sir idhu??

Sir:answer paper

Student:enna akramam sir idhu.Question paperla question iruku.answer [paperla answer illa




HUSBAND: yennadi munpintheriyadha aalkitta PALLA kaatikitiirukka???

WIFE: saniyane adhu PAL doctor




joshiar:unga dhosham nivarthi aganumna 36 vaysu "penna" kalyanam pannanum.
man: rendu 18 vaysu ponungla kattikalama
joshiar:yen nal 9 kattikongalen
man: !!!!!!!!!!!!

jokes 4 u

Examination
Teacher: ramesh, you have copied from sita's answer sheet
Ramesh: how can u say
Teacher: for question 6, sita has written
i do not know.
\ and u have written
neither do i

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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.


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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.


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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!


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Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

Woman's Dictionary !!

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I want

It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron

You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead

5 Classic MS Windows Pranks New

5 Classic MS Windows Pranks

Some good ones to play on friends or create havoc for enemies.

Warning: Your friends may become enemies after pulling some of these on them!

1. The Restart Remap

We start with one sure to throw off even the most advanced Windows user. Setup is simple and you need only a few seconds alone on someone's computer. When you get a chance, sneak over and right-click your pal’s icon to Internet Explorer or some other commonly used program. Edit the properties and change the target to: "%windir%\system32\shutdown.exe -r -t 00". Now, every time your buddy tries to run IE, his machine will mysteriously restart — and your laughter will instantly result.

2. Startup Folder Fun

While we're on the topic of system startups, the Windows Startup folder is a fantastic place for fun. Create a text file with an amusing message and throw it in there so your cubicle mate will get a daily greeting — or, if you really want to get evil, add in the restart shortcut from above (not recommended unless you just want to get your ass kicked).

3. Disappearing Desktop

A classic computer prank never goes out of style. The desktop image trick has been around for a bit, but rest assured: There are plenty of unsuspecting victims still to be found. Just head over to an unattended computer, minimize all the windows, and hit the Print Screen key. Paste the captured image into any graphic editing program — even Microsoft Paint will do — then save the file and set it as the desktop background. Then, all you have to do is hide the actual icons on the desktop — put them in a folder somewhere — and your victim will try endlessly to click the nonexistent icons, which are actually just part of the background image. For another variation, leave one program open when you capture the screen and watch as the person tries to click on it, type in it, and close it to no avail.

4. Auto-Insult

There are few things funnier than forcing a friend to insult himself — and Microsoft has made it easy to do just that. Take a moment to edit the Autocorrect feature in your colleague's MS Word or Outlook (it's in the Tools menu in both programs). Add a new entry to replace their name with "d.ouche," and watch how much more interesting all their emails and documents will suddenly become. A little creativity can take this one in plenty of different and equally entertaining directions.

5. Serius Buisness

While you're in the MS Word or Outlook settings, another good place to tamper is the dictionary. Replace a few correct words with common misspellings just for giggles. Just be sure to let this one play out and get resolved before your co-worker sends any official memos to the entire corporation.

Funny Error Messages in Windows XP

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

4) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

5) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

6) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

7) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

8) Close your eyes and press escape three times.

9) Your keyboard not working press any key to continue.

10) "You have problems connecting to a network. Look online for possible solutions?"

11) Windows message: "You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?"

12) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

13) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log off."

14) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.

15) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

16) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot INDIA? (Y/N)

17) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

18) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

19) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

20) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.

21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"

22) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one?

23) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic.

kiss police

Jokes





Never kiss police woman.

She will say Stop and hands up.

Never kiss nurse.She will say next.

Always kiss ur teacher.
She will say repeat it 5 times.

A married couples

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember.... fairies are female too!