SMS

sms fullform
s-simham panpiste
m-monkey chadeve
s-small file
chadivindi chalu ,eka nivu evarikyna send chesi mokey vi kasta simham avvu ok

kanneeru naadi

Kanulu neevi kanneeru naadi..
Hrudayam needi savvadi naadi..
Suvaasan needi sughandam naadi..
Sneha bandhammaatram mana iddaridi..

kanneeru naadi

Kanulu neevi kanneeru naadi..
Hrudayam needi savvadi naadi..
Suvaasan needi sughandam naadi..
Sneha bandhammaatram mana iddaridi..

Sneham cheyi

Sneham cheyi haddu leakundaa..

Manninchu moesam cheayakundaa..

Nammakaanni unchu anumaaninchakundaa..

Kalasi undu eppatiki vidipoekundaa..

Indian Manger

3 Desalaku chendina Project Managers vari vari Udyogu lato O Padavalo Prayanistunnaru.

Vallalo Evari Udyogulu Dhyrya vantulo Telkhuko daniki Mugguru Mangers Siddamayyaru.

Eee Nellalo duki Padava chuttu edu kunira antoo O udyogiki Adeshalichadu American Manager.

Ventane Aa udyogi duki Padava chuttoo Round kotti Vachadu.

Padava chuttoo 5 rounds kottira annadu Japan Manager valla Udyogiki Oder ichadu.

alege cheshadu a udyogi. Chusara ma valla Dhyryam' annada manager.

INDIAN MANAGER tana udyogiki pilichi Aa nellalo duki Eeta kottu vayya ani adeshinchandu.

Em...., Nene enduku dukali.. Meeru ducochuga annada Udyogi.

Chusara Maa Vadi Dhyryam Annadu Indian Manger.

Telugu Joke: Teacher and Student

Teacher: Edutivariki Vine Aasakti ledani telisina

inka inka chebutune unde varini

emantaru?

Student: Teacher antaru. :)

Telugu Funny SMS Jokes :

Telugu Funny SMS Jokes :

Subbarao atani friend Apparao ni tiffin ki pilichadu.

Apparao: Nenu Tiffin Tintunte mee kukka nakese chostondemiti??

Subbarao: Daani Platani Grahinchi natlundi.

ahahhahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Husband, Wife and Ice Cream

Husband, Wife and Ice Cream

Husband: Ippatike Idu (5) cups Ice cream Tinnavu. Pellivaru emanu kuntaro emo?

Wife: Anduke Mimmalni chupinchi temmantuNnarani cheppa !!

AP Minister - Doddu Biyyam

Oppula kuppa Vayyari Bhama

Sannani Biyyam chaya pappu

Gootlo Rupayee....

Nee Mogudu Cipayee.

Eee Pillala Patan nunchi Kotta Pata from AP Minister.

Oppula kuppa.. Vayyari Bhama

Doddu Biyyam.. Utti Uppu

Vandite Jaayee

Tinte Hayee...

• Poruginti pulla koora ruchi

English Equivalent: Grass on the other side is greener

Minga metukuledu meesalaki sampenga nune ani

• minga metukuledu meesalaki sampenga nune ani

The context where this fits correctly is where we dont have the basic amenities,but we ask for something extra... word to word meaning: minga = to eat methuku = single unit of rice ledu = not there meesalaku = to the moustache sampenga = an aromatic flower from which oil can be made nune = oil Put together we dont have a single rice grain to eat,but we want the aromatic oil for the moustache...

Pommana leka poga peTTinaTTlu

• pommana leka poga peTTinaTTlu - à°ªà±à°®à±à°®à°¨à°²à±à° à°ªà±à° à°ªà±à°à±à°à°¿à°¨à°à±à°²à±
• Literal translation is: "Instead of directly asking someone to leave, making them leave by starting some smoke", refering to indirect actions in place of direct words.

Koose Gadida Vachi Mese Gaadidani Chedakottindi Anta

• Koose Gadida Vachi Mese Gaadidani Chedakottindi Anta
• The literal meaning of the proverb is , the shouting donkey came and disturbed the Eating Donkey.

It is used to describe the people who have no work themselves but try to decrease the productivity of those who are working

Pichuka Meeda Brahmastram

• Pichuka Meeda Brahmastram
• The literal meaning of the proverb is , using Brahmastram on a bird.

Pichuka means a bird.Brahmastram is a powerful weapon according to ancient literature.This proverb means that using a weapon like Brahmastram on a bird is very not a significant achievement.It describes achievement agianst something very weak and then boasting about it.

Subham Palakara Pellikodaka Ante PelliKuturu Munda Annadanta

• Subham Palakara Pellikodaka Ante PelliKuturu Munda Annadanta

After marriage the bridegroom says the word Subham in Telugu culture to signify the end of the ceremony.The proverb is used to describe a person with a negative attitude and when doing something is very pessimistic about it.

Siggu Leni Vaadiki Navve Sringharam

• Siggu Leni Vaadiki Navve Sringharam
• The literal meaning of the proverb is , Laughter is the ornament for the shameless.

It is used to describe the person who ,after doing something wrong , laughs instead of feeling shameful for what he has done.

Alasyam amrutam viSHam

• à°à°®à±à°¤à°' విషà°'
• The literal meaning of the proverb is , if you make delay even ambrosia turns into poison.

It is used to emphasize the importance of time and punctuality in our lives. If we dont do the right thing at RIGHT time, it no longer remains as a right thing.

Thinninti vaasaalu lekkapettu

• This proverb is used when someone who is trusted and helped by a person , cheats his/her benefactor.

The origin of the proverb is rooted in the telugu folklore. The background of the proverb comes from the relationship of a host and a guest. If a stranger is given hospitality by a kind person, s/he starts counting the vasaalu( bamboo bars) used in the construction of a house/thatched hut. It means that after having his/her meals the person is eyeing for something more.

• Thinniti=Host's house
• vaasaalu=Bamboo bars
• lekkapettu=counting

Kukka katuki cheppu debba

• The meaning of this proverb is that one should respond with appropriate measure to any unethical or unreasonable action by your opponent instead of being submissive or cowered.

Literal translation: Kukka katu = a dogs bite, cheppu = footwear, debba = slap,hit. An equivalent saying in english would be ' Tit for tat'.

“When words are

“When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain”

an age of dull and common life”

“Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life”

“How inappropriate

“How inappropriate to call this planet earth when it is quite clearly Ocean.”

“To an ordinary human being,

“To an ordinary human being, love means nothing if it does not mean loving some people more than others”

“Love comes unseen; we only see it go”

“Love comes unseen; we only see it go

Do all the good you can,

“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”

sangeet ka tarana hua

sangeet ka tarana hua
sama ka parwana hua
masti ka mastana hua
saise hi ghunghat uthaya
is dunia se rawana hua

paaglo ki 4 niishaniyan...

paaglo ki 4 niishaniyan...

1-right hand mein mobile pakadna..
2-anguthe se button dabanaa..
3-message padhkar muskuraana...
4-fir sochna msg kisko forward karuu..

*KITNA BARA HAI*

****GOLDEN****
****WORDS****
*Apne RAB Ko Ye
*Mat Batao Ke
*Tumhari Taklef *Kitni Bari Hai
*Balke Apni
*Taklef Ko
*Batao Ke
*TUMHARA RAB
*KITNA BARA HAI*

aap ki chal mor jaisi,

aap ki chal mor jaisi,
aawaz koyal jaisi,
dimag lomdi jaisa,
eyes hiran jaisi,
ear mor jaisa,
kitna aacha hota agar,
2-4 khubi insano wali bhi hoti,,,,,,,

na pyar, na mohbat, na dosti,

na pyar, na mohbat, na dosti,
yarro
aaj ke devdas ke baat mano,
na chandra mukhi na paaro,
bas har ek ladki ko line maro,,

jyada waqt mat lagana

At 12:34 p.m and 56 seconds on the 7th of August this year 2009 the time and date will be12:34:56 07/08/09 i.e 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 this will never happen again......... So pls mere liye kuch mangne mein jyada waqt mat lagana

jallal gulal julal hoo

hola hoola hee hee hoo jajal jallal gulal julal hoo
iska matlab soch rahe ho, bhai mobil mera paise mere jo marzee ho vo bhejunga

jallal gulal julal hoo

hola hoola hee hee hoo jajal jallal gulal julal hoo
iska matlab soch rahe ho, bhai mobil mera paise mere jo marzee ho vo bhejunga

PYARI BAJEGI

HANSI KO INBOX,AANSU KO OUT BOX, GUSSE KO SENT, HELP KO OK, DIL KO KARO VIBRATE, PHIR DEKHO ZINDGI KI RINGTONE KITNI PYARI BAJEGI

niche khuch

niche khuch naqhi he kyu time kharab kar rahe ho

Because he became MAMU LEE.

Bruce Lee was a grteat man. But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man ..........Can you gues why ?

Because he became MAMU LEE.

se lagaya hota...

Kash banane wale ne hame kitab banaya hota,
Aap padhte padhte so jate aur hame sine se lagaya hota...

se lagaya hota...

Kash banane wale ne hame kitab banaya hota,
Aap padhte padhte so jate aur hame sine se lagaya hota...

Chotay Chotay

Chotay Chotay Gunaho Say Bacho Kio K Ye Chotay Gunah He Baray Gunaho Ki Tarf Bolatay Hain.

aakhon mein aanshu aajate hain

aakhon mein aanshu aajate hain, phir bhi lobon pe hanshi thopni padti hai.ye halat tab hoti hai jag lambe safer mein TATTI rokni padti hai.

aapse pyae karte hai

jinki yaad apko khusi k lamhon me aaye pyar karte ho aur jinki yad gum me aaye to samjho ki vo aapse pyae karte hai

aapse pyae karte hai

jinki yaad apko khusi k lamhon me aaye pyar karte ho aur jinki yad gum me aaye to samjho ki vo aapse pyae karte hai

Mobile ko kabhi bhi

Mobile ko kabhi bhi peeche ke pocket mein mat rakhna, Bettery Phutegi to pichwada phat jayega, Log hath se pichwada dhote hain tum Pichwade se hath dho baitoge

tata sky laga

tata sky laga dala to life jhingalala........:-)

killing shayari:

killing shayari:

tute dil ko lekar phirta hai pappu gali gali(wah wah)
tute dil ko lekar firta hai pappu gali gali(wah wah)

arz kiya hai...

arz kiya hai...

yashomati maiyya se bole nandlala (wah wah)

yashomati maiyya se bole nandlala (wah wah)

U may miss me

U may miss me
U may ignore me
U may even forget me
But one day if u wanna c me
Dont search, just c ur shadow
i wil be thr...Trust Me!!

A word to say, a word to hear

A word to say, a word to hear
Even in ur absence i feel u near
R relation is strong..hope it goes long
v wil remain d same til d life goes on!

Q:Wat is luv?

Q:Wat is luv?
*
*
*
*
A:Luv is wen sum1 breaks ur heart
n d most amazing thing
is tat u still luv them
wid every broken piece...!

Dear O Dear, ur not near

Dear O Dear, ur not near
but i can hear
dont get fear
Ur memories r here
liv wid cheer
no mere tear
and ur mine forever!

I m on a mission:

I m on a mission:
Misson 2 avoid u,
2 forgetu, 2 get rid of u,
2 not 2 talk 2u or meet u,
in short....
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!!

I m on a mission:

I m on a mission:
Misson 2 avoid u,
2 forgetu, 2 get rid of u,
2 not 2 talk 2u or meet u,
in short....
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!!

I m on a mission:

I m on a mission:
Misson 2 avoid u,
2 forgetu, 2 get rid of u,
2 not 2 talk 2u or meet u,
in short....
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!!

Memories r treasured

Memories r treasured
no1 can steal.
Parting is heartache
no1 can heal.
Sum'll 4get u wen ur gone
but i'll remember u
no matter how long..

Memories r treasured

Memories r treasured
no1 can steal.
Parting is heartache
no1 can heal.
Sum'll 4get u wen ur gone
but i'll remember u
no matter how long..

softly d leaves fo memories wil fal,

softly d leaves fo memories wil fal,
i'll pick them up & gather them all,
coz 2day, 2moro & til my life is through
i'll cherish having sum1 like u!

Sender:Name Missing

Message:some text missing*


Sender:Name Missing*
*Number Missing
*Sent:Date missing
*Missing U a lot thats y
everything is missing....

Love is like a CD track

Love is like a CD track
That links our hearts together
Dont ever break that CD coz
That wud break my heart too.........

All I wanted was sum1 2 care 4 me

All I wanted was sum1 2 care 4 me
All I wanted was sum1 who'd b there 4 me
All I ever wanted was sum1 who'd b true
All I ever wantedwas sum1 like U...

As days go by, my feelings get stronger,

As days go by, my feelings get stronger,
To be in ur arms, I can't wait any longer.
Look into my eyes & u'll see that it's true,
Day & Night my thought r of U..

Go for sum1 who makes u

Don't go for looks,
they can deceive
Don't go for wealth
even that fades away.

Go for sum1 who makes u
smile becoz only a smile makes
a dark day seem bright..

Go for sum1 who makes u

Don't go for looks,
they can deceive
Don't go for wealth
even that fades away.

Go for sum1 who makes u
smile becoz only a smile makes
a dark day seem bright..

C.L.I.C.K. means :

C.L.I.C.K. means :

C= cant live without u
L= love u
I= i miss u
C= care about u
K= kiss from my heart 2 u
So whenever u miss me just say CLICK.

No shadows 2 depress u

No shadows 2 depress u
only joys 2 surround u
many friends 2 luv u
God himself 2 bless u
These r my wishes 4 u,
for today, tommorrow & everyday

Smile in Pleasure

Smile in Pleasure
Smile in Pain
Smile when trouble pours like Rain
Smile when sum1 Hurts U
Smile becoz SOMEONE still
Loves to see u Smiling!!

If i capture ur heart , will u love me ??

if i reached for your hand , will u hold it ?
If i hold out my arms, will u hug me ?
If i go for your lips, will u kiss me ?
If i capture ur heart , will u love me ??

When i look at you,

When i look at you,
i cannot deny there is God,
cause only God could have created some one
as wonderful n beautiful as you

I long to hold you close n tight

I dream about you evey night
I shiver when your in sight
I long to hold you close n tight
I wanna be there with all my might
I m just hoping I'm the girl whos right

If Your asking if I Need U the answer is 4Ever..

If Your asking if I Need U the answer is 4Ever..
If Your askin if I'll Leave U the answer is Never..
If Your askin what I value the Answer is U..
if Your askin if I love U the answer is I do.

someone with closed eyez

Luv meanz to see someone with closed eyez,
to miss some1 in crowd,
2 find some1 in every thought,
to live 4 some1, luv some1, but sure tht sum1 is ONLY one!

Will ALWAYS b...

Wen things go wrong...
Wen sadness fills ur heart...
wen tears flow in ur eyes...
always remember 3 things
1) I'm with u...
2) Still with u...
3) Will ALWAYS b...

24hrs make a lovely day

24hrs make a lovely day,
7 days make a lovely week,
52 weeks make a lovely year & knowing a
person like me will make ur life lovely.

Have a lovely day n life!**

Love isn't a decision

Love isn't a decision, it's a feeling. If we could decide who to love, then, life would be much simpler, but then less magical.

hear you anymore.

Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love, how much you care. Because when they're gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won't hear you anymore.

chalikalam

if u want sweter,
it's chalikalam.
if u want umberella,
it's vanakalam.
if u want a/c,
it's endakalam.
if want lover,
it's nothing but poye kalam

Messages levu..

Messages levu..

Phone ledu..

Atleast Missed Call kuda ledu

Naaku tension gaa vundi..

Eni ayyindi?

Kompa tesi ZOO valliki malli doriki poyava enti?

Neekosam oka

press down.....
Neekosam oka sweet gift ponpichaanu...

Some Other Hindi Quote

धन अपना पराया नही देखता।
जैसा अन्न, वैसा मन।
अहिंसा सर्वोत्तम धर्म है।
बहुमत की आवाज न्याय का द्योतक नही है।
अन्याय मे सहयोग देना, अन्याय के ही समान है।
विश्वास से आश्चर्य-जनक प्रोत्साहन मिलता है।

New Year Greetings In Hindi

• नव वर्ष के आगमन पर हार्दिक बधाई।
• नव वर्ष शुभ हो।
• नव वर्ष आपके जीवन मे उमग लाये।
• नया साल आपको नया अनुभव दे।
• नव वर्ष आपके लिये हितकारी हो।
• नव वर्ष मे हर कदम पर आपको सफलता मिले।
• नव वर्ष मे आप फले, फूले।
• नया साल आपके लिये लाभदायक हो।
• नया साल आपके लिये नयी खुशिया लाये।
• नया साल आपको नया उत्साह प्रदान करे।
• नव वर्ष सुख- सम्रध्धि से भरपूर हो।
• नव वर्ष मे आपकी सभी मनोकामनाये पूरी हो।
• नव वर्ष मे भाग्य सदैव आपका साथ दे।
• नव वर्ष मे आपकी दिन दोगुनी रात चौगुनी तरक्की हो।

Hindi Quotes About Learning

• बिना गुरु के ज्ञान नही होता।
• आपकी बुद्धि ही आपका गुरु है।
• जिग्यासा के बिना ज्ञान नही होता।
• बिना अनुभव के कोरा शाब्दिक ज्ञान अंधा है।
• अल्प ज्ञान खतरनाक होता है।
• कर्म सरल है, विचार कठिन।
• उपदेश देना सरल है, उपाय बताना कठिन।

Hindi Quotes About Time

• समय महान चिकित्सक है।
• समय किसी की प्रतीक्षा नही करता।
• हर दिन वर्ष का सर्वोत्तम दिन है।
• एक झूठ छिपाने के लिये दस झूठ बोलने पडते है।
• प्रकृति के सब काम धीरे-धीरे होते है।

Hindi Love Quotes

• मुस्कान प्रेम की भाषा है।
• सच्चा प्रेम दुर्लभ है, सच्ची मित्रता और भी दुर्लभ है।
• अहंकार छोडे बिना सच्चा प्रेम नही किया जा सकता।
• प्रसन्नता स्वास्थ्य देती है, विषाद रोग देते है।
• प्रसन्न करने का उपाय है, स्वयं प्रसन्न रहना।
• अधिकार जताने से अधिकार सिद्ध नही होता।
• एक गुण समस्त दोषो को ढक लेता है।
• दूसरो से प्रेम करना अपने आप से प्रेम करना है।

Hindi Quotes About Success

• वही सबसे तेज चलता है, जो अकेला चलता है।
• प्रत्येक अच्छा कार्य पहले असम्भव नजर आता है।
• ऊद्यम ही सफलता की कुंजी है।
• एकाग्रता से ही विजय मिलती है।
• कीर्ति वीरोचित कार्यो की सुगन्ध है।
• भाग्य साहसी का साथ देता है।
• सफलता अत्यधिक परिश्रम चाहती है।
• विवेक बहादुरी का उत्तम अंश है।
• कार्य उद्यम से सिद्ध होते है, मनोरथो से नही।
• संकल्प ही मनुष्य का बल है।
• प्रचंड वायु मे भी पहाड विचलित नही होते।
• कर्म करने मे ही अधिकार है, फल मे नही।
• मेहनत, हिम्मत और लगन से कल्पना साकार होती है।
• अपने शक्तियो पर भरोसा करने वाला कभी असफल नही होता।

Miscommunication

Miscommunication


A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, 'What are the grounds for your divorce?'

She replied, 'About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.'

'No,' he said, 'I mean what is the foundation of this case?'

'It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,' she responded.

'I mean,' he continued, 'What are your relations like?'

'I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.'

He said, 'Do you have a real grudge?'

'No,' she replied, 'We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.'

'Please,' he tried again, 'is there any infidelity in your marriage?'

'Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.'

'Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?'

'Yes,' she responded, 'about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.'

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 'Lady, why do you want a divorce?'

'Oh, I don't want a divorce,' she replied. 'I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!!

Miscommunication

Miscommunication


A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, 'What are the grounds for your divorce?'

She replied, 'About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.'

'No,' he said, 'I mean what is the foundation of this case?'

'It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,' she responded.

'I mean,' he continued, 'What are your relations like?'

'I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.'

He said, 'Do you have a real grudge?'

'No,' she replied, 'We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.'

'Please,' he tried again, 'is there any infidelity in your marriage?'

'Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.'

'Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?'

'Yes,' she responded, 'about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.'

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 'Lady, why do you want a divorce?'

'Oh, I don't want a divorce,' she replied. 'I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!!

Why indian mom's are the best in world

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that
he is going to get married. He says, "Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women
and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, "Okay Ma,
guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
" That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The Indian mother replies,

...
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..
..
..
..
.
............
............ ..
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............
............ ..
...
....
....
....
.....
..
..
..
..
.
............

" I don't like her " ....!!!!!!!! !!

Some UK idiots

Police expose 999 'time wasters'
Police in Cambridgeshire have released a compilation of time-wasting calls made to 999.

The calls included one person who wanted to know the date, a woman who could not find a DIY store and another who wanted to speak to the Prime Minister.

Despite the non-urgent nature of the calls, operators are told to remain polite, composed and calm at all times.

Police have released transcripts in the hope of reducing the number of trivial inquiries they receive.

Call 1

Operator: "You're through to the police, how can I help?"
Caller: "Hello, I know this ain't emergency, but what's today's date?"
"Is that why you are calling on 999?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, it's not an emergency and it's not something you should be dialling 999 for."
"Alright, good night".

Call 2

Operator: "Hello it's the police here."
Caller: "Yes, sorry, I can't find Homebase and I'm getting really distressed, who can I ask?"
"You can't find Homebase?"
"Homebase in Huntingdon and I'm getting really stressed and in tears, I've had to pull over and I just don't know who to ask."
"That's not really a 999 call, it's not a life and death emergency is it?"
"No it's not, so who can I phone?"
"Is there some one on the street you can ask for directions?"
"I've asked several times, I'm sorry I'm in tears. I'm sorry I won't call again."
"You're best asking some one in the street for directions or finding a map. It's not a 999 call."
"Thank you."

Call 3

Operator: "Cambridgeshire Police emergency, may I help you?"
Caller: "Is that the police? Oh good, perhaps you can help me. I want to get a message to Sedgefield, I want to speak to the Prime Minister and I want to get hold of him - just to give him good wishes and say that he's my type of chap."
"Right, you need to ring London then not Cambridgeshire."
"Can you give me - I can't seem to get any sense out of anybody this morning. Give me the telephone number will you?"
"I can't - I haven't got the telephone number for the Prime Minister's office."
"How can I get hold of it then?"
"Have you tried directory enquires?"
"I've tried them and I haven't been able to get hold of it."
"I'm sorry."
"How do I get hold of him them?"
"You'll have to try the Prime Minister's office."
"How can I get the number?"
"I haven't got it."
"Well I haven't got it either."
"I can't help you on the emergency line number."
"This is an emergency."
"It's not a life and death matter."
"How the hell do I get hold of him then?"
"You have to go via directory enquires..."
"I've tried and haven't got any sense."
"Or ring the Houses of Parliament and see if they can help you."
"Can you give me their number?"
"I'm sorry I can't give you their number on emergency line."
"What line do I ring?"
"Directory enquires."
"What's their number?"
"118 118."
"Will they be able to help?"
"They'll be able to help you with that."
"This is absolute idiocy."
"I'm sorry I can't help you on the emergency line."
"You don't seem to be able to help me with anything do you?"
"Try directory enquires...."
"Thanks for your help... good bye."

bank jokes

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"
The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
------------------------------------------------------------

If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"

"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"

"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------h

Things you would NOT want to see happen at the ATM


You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card. You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.

You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.

You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.

You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.

You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How bankers do it...

Bankers do it risk-free.
Bankers do it just for money.
Bankers charge a fee each time they do it.
Bankers do it with varying rates of interest.
Bankers do it with a penalty for early withdrawal.

Old joke with new ending!

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love Romance.
The second floor has wives that love Romance and have Money and like Beer !
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited!!!

What If This Happens To You

The husband checked into the hotel.

There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... ..somewhere , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.

He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer

screen which read:

Confusion

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree

true happening..

This happened in Jeddah Airport in Saudi Arabia (I cant believe)

One Indian passenger named Anantharaman Subbaraman arrived at Jeddah airport.

He ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hrs for the authorities to call his name...

Finally, he got wild and went to the Saudi authorities and shouted why they haven't called his name yet.

They retaliated & claimed that they have been calling him for the last hour and a half ......... and were wondering why he hadn't responded!

The reason was made clear when the Saudi immigration officer

announced his name again on the microphone as : 'Anotherman Superman'

If you take one more step ...

A 30 years-old man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,

"If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."


The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.


He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted,

"Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."


The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.


The man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.


"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Ati kya khandala......(just enjoy u)

Ati kya khandala......(just enjoy u)





urdu:
A Kya Bolti Tu
A Kya Mai Bolu
Sun
Suna
Ati Kya Khandala
Kya karu Ake mai Khandala
Are Ghumenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya ?

English :
Aye what do you say?
Aye what should I say?
Listen.
Speak on.
Coming to khandala?
What should I do, coming to khandala?
We'll roam, we'll loaf, we'll sing, we'll dance we"ll
freak, baby,what else?

Sanskrit :
This is too good
Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi
Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh
Shrinvasi!
Shrunha
Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi
Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh
gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja
karishma, kim karishyami?

Punjabi :
A ! ke boldi tu;
A ke mein bolan;
Sunh
Sunha
Chaldi khandala
Ki karaan ae ke mein khandala
Are Ghoomenge, Turainge, Naachenge, Gaavenge, Mauj
Karenge, Aur Ki ?

Gujarati :
Aye shun bole tu?
Aye hun shun bolu?
Sambhal
Sambhlaav
Aave chey su khandaalaa?
Shun karu aaviine khandaalaa?
Ghumshun, pharshun, naachshun, gaashun, majaa karshun,
beeju shun?

Marathi
Aye kaai tu mhantes?
Aye kaai mi mhanhu?
Aik
Aikav
Yetes kai khandaalaa?
Kai karu yevon mi khandaalaa?
Are ghumuyaa, phiruyaa, gavuyaa, nachuyaa, aish
karuyaa, aankhin kai?

Kashmiri :
Heey, kya chaakh wannan
Heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy
Booz
Wanoo
Pakha telle khandalaa;
Kya karee weeteth bhe khandalaa
Pherevhey, nachevhey, geevevhey, khevevhey, eesh
karav, beyy kya?

Konkani :
Aye ! kitte sangta tu?
Aye ! aao kite sangu?
Saang
Saan! gta
Khandalaa yeta ghi?
Khandalaa yevun kithe kharche?
Bhovya, Phireya, Naachya, Gauya, maja korya, anikithe?


Bengali :
Ei ki bolis tui
Ei ki ar boli
Shon
Shonaa
Jabi ki khondalaa
K! i kori giye khondalaa
Are, ghurbo, phirbo, nachbo, gaibo, maja korbo ar ki?


Malayalam :
Aye yenna pariyunnu?
Aye nyan yenna pariyu?
Keku
Pariyu
Varinno kh! andala?
Yendu cheyam? Nyaan vannu Khandaala?
Karangam, chuttam, paadam, aadam, maja
cheyyam,verendha?

Telugu :
Aye, ainte chaepphuta vu
Aye,ainte chaepala
Vinu
Chaeppu
Wastava Khandala
Yem Chesedhi? vacchi Khandala
Thiruguthamu, eguruthamu, aadthaamu, paadthaamu,maja
chesthamu inkemi?

Sindhi :
Aye cha thi c! haen tu?
Aye Maan chaa chavan?
Budh
Budhai
Acheti cha khandaalaa?
Cha kandis achi maan khandaalaa?
Are Ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi,
Nachandasi,aaish kan! dasi, byo cha?

Magahi : (BIHARI)
A ki bolahin tu
A kya boliyuow hum
Sun
SunaowAaimahi ki khandala
Ki kariaow aake hum khandala
Gumbai, Phirbai, naachai, gaayii, aish karbai aur ki

Assamese:
ey ki kua tumi?
ey ki kom moi?
sun
suna
ahibi ki khandala?
ki korim aahi moi kahandalaa
are ghurim,phirim, nasim,gaam, khub phurti korim aru ki?

Tamil:
Enna solre
Ennatha solla
mudalla kelu,
sari sollu
Kandala variya
kandala poi enna panrathu
Vera enna .oor suthuvom aaduvom paaduvom jalsa
pannuvom
Foreign Languages :

German :
Was sagst du?
Was soll ich sagen?
Hor mal!
Sag mal!
Kommst Nach Khandala?
Was machen wir in Khaldala?
Wir gehen, spazieren, tanzen, singen, haben spaCx,
was noch?

Spanish :
Tu que deceas?
Yo que deseo?
Oye
Di me
Vas a tu khandaalaa?
Que haceo, yo voy en el khandaalaa?
Viajamos, vagabundeamos, bailamos, cantamos,
disfrutamos, si no.

Chinese :
Ain, Chon Zuan Ho?
Ain, Chon Hee Zuano?
Sui,
Suion,
Hyuan Chon Khandala?
Chon Tsuani Hyui Hee Khandala?
Chijuan, Kajuan, Marijuan, Siuan, Samshuan
Tsuaniya Tsu Chon?

Russian :
Aeich, Kov Speache niv?
Aeich, Kov miv Speache?
Nuushev,!
Nuusheva,
Comeva Kov Khandala?
Kov Sheychev Comov miv Khandala! ?
Rotiv, Rotrach, Balleva, Opereacha, Enjova
Sheychevin, Kov
Gobraich?

French :!
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu dis?
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu me vouler dire?
Entendre
Entendrez
Est-ceque tu viens a la Khandala
Qu'est-ceque je fais a aller a la Khandala ?
Promenez,! Allez, Dansez, Chantez a quelle?

Zambesi : (African)
Aye, Zwa To Zulu,
Aye, Zwa Ze Zulu,
Wahte,
Kaso,
Heliyo To Khandaalaa?
Zwa Kumi, Helithe Khandaalaa?!
Himala, Romala, Wahwahla, Infala, Kumaya Kumana, Ni

Cowboy and IT Consultant Joke

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW 7 Series advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Cartier sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his HP notebook computer, connects it to his Nokia N95 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany...



Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'

'You're an IT Consultant', says Bud.

'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of
sheep...'

''Now give me back my dog''.
__________________

No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
Nelson Mandela

Joke of the day.....

MERA BHARAT MAHAN !!!!!

Pakistani, Bangladeshi and OUR Sardar are in a bar one nigh.The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.
'
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'

OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshi that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.'

Balle balle !!!!

tamil jokes..

Sardhar:vaigai express poiducha??

Station Master:No

Sardhar:Pandian Express??

Station Master:No

Sardhar:Nellai Express??

Station Master:No sir.Neenga yenga poganum??

Sardhar:Thandavalatha thandi poganum




Student:enna sir idhu??

Sir:Question paper.

Student:enna sir idhu??

Sir:answer paper

Student:enna akramam sir idhu.Question paperla question iruku.answer [paperla answer illa




HUSBAND: yennadi munpintheriyadha aalkitta PALLA kaatikitiirukka???

WIFE: saniyane adhu PAL doctor




joshiar:unga dhosham nivarthi aganumna 36 vaysu "penna" kalyanam pannanum.
man: rendu 18 vaysu ponungla kattikalama
joshiar:yen nal 9 kattikongalen
man: !!!!!!!!!!!!

jokes 4 u

Examination
Teacher: ramesh, you have copied from sita's answer sheet
Ramesh: how can u say
Teacher: for question 6, sita has written
i do not know.
\ and u have written
neither do i

-----------------------------------------------------------------


Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.


----------------------------------------------------------------



Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.


----------------------------------------------------------------


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!


----------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

Woman's Dictionary !!

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I want

It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron

You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead

5 Classic MS Windows Pranks New

5 Classic MS Windows Pranks

Some good ones to play on friends or create havoc for enemies.

Warning: Your friends may become enemies after pulling some of these on them!

1. The Restart Remap

We start with one sure to throw off even the most advanced Windows user. Setup is simple and you need only a few seconds alone on someone's computer. When you get a chance, sneak over and right-click your pal’s icon to Internet Explorer or some other commonly used program. Edit the properties and change the target to: "%windir%\system32\shutdown.exe -r -t 00". Now, every time your buddy tries to run IE, his machine will mysteriously restart — and your laughter will instantly result.

2. Startup Folder Fun

While we're on the topic of system startups, the Windows Startup folder is a fantastic place for fun. Create a text file with an amusing message and throw it in there so your cubicle mate will get a daily greeting — or, if you really want to get evil, add in the restart shortcut from above (not recommended unless you just want to get your ass kicked).

3. Disappearing Desktop

A classic computer prank never goes out of style. The desktop image trick has been around for a bit, but rest assured: There are plenty of unsuspecting victims still to be found. Just head over to an unattended computer, minimize all the windows, and hit the Print Screen key. Paste the captured image into any graphic editing program — even Microsoft Paint will do — then save the file and set it as the desktop background. Then, all you have to do is hide the actual icons on the desktop — put them in a folder somewhere — and your victim will try endlessly to click the nonexistent icons, which are actually just part of the background image. For another variation, leave one program open when you capture the screen and watch as the person tries to click on it, type in it, and close it to no avail.

4. Auto-Insult

There are few things funnier than forcing a friend to insult himself — and Microsoft has made it easy to do just that. Take a moment to edit the Autocorrect feature in your colleague's MS Word or Outlook (it's in the Tools menu in both programs). Add a new entry to replace their name with "d.ouche," and watch how much more interesting all their emails and documents will suddenly become. A little creativity can take this one in plenty of different and equally entertaining directions.

5. Serius Buisness

While you're in the MS Word or Outlook settings, another good place to tamper is the dictionary. Replace a few correct words with common misspellings just for giggles. Just be sure to let this one play out and get resolved before your co-worker sends any official memos to the entire corporation.

Funny Error Messages in Windows XP

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

4) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

5) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

6) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

7) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

8) Close your eyes and press escape three times.

9) Your keyboard not working press any key to continue.

10) "You have problems connecting to a network. Look online for possible solutions?"

11) Windows message: "You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?"

12) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

13) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log off."

14) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.

15) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

16) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot INDIA? (Y/N)

17) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

18) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

19) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

20) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.

21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"

22) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one?

23) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic.

kiss police

Jokes





Never kiss police woman.

She will say Stop and hands up.

Never kiss nurse.She will say next.

Always kiss ur teacher.
She will say repeat it 5 times.

A married couples

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember.... fairies are female too!

My memory!

A good friend is like a computer;


me

'enter'

ur life,

'save' u in my heart,

'format' ur problems,

'shift' u 2 opportunities & never

'delete'

u from my memory!

your parents.

Husband:


Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it.


So I bought 3 movie tickets.


Wife: Why Three?


Husband: For you and your parents.

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QUOTATION

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To LOve TO Nothing...

Love Is Great

Love Is Great

The Silent Treatment

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problem at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at
5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next
morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had
missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The
paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
draft before the masterpiece.

W O R D S

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...'
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

you can't win with the womenss

you can't win with the womenss

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of
yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

Hahaha Good one

Hahaha Good one

An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to the neighboring states.

Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW 540iL, diamonds, lapis lazuli jewelry, and half a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a box of almond halwa sweets.

The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him "This time also I thought that u would give me a new car, Diamonds and Jewelry. But u gave only a card and a box of almond sweets.

To this the Arab replied "Can't help it, Bapu..... Now I have Gujju blood in my veins!!

Cheers

MOST-WANTED SOFT COLLECTION BY TEAM-ZAFFA UPDATED ON 28.01.2009....

Error Killer 2.6 Portable






ErrorKiller will scan your computer for these invalid system references and file references Invalid file references and system references can cause serious problems with your computer including system failure and frequent crashing. ErrorKiller will scan your computer for these invalid system references and file references.

Error Killer's scan can also find errors due to missing system fonts, missing file associations, missing startup programs, missing files, invalid drivers and invalid application paths.

Click Download Error killer2.6

500_Games_on_N95 New

Click Download 500_ Games on N95 New

50 Java 240x320 Games

3D Coaster Rush 240x320:crazy_pilot:
3D Pool Urban Hustle
3D Superball
3D tornado mania
3DRallyEvolution
80's Pinball:Banane04:
Absolute Minesweeper
Age of Empires 2
Age Of Empires III 240x320:crazy_pilot:
Age of heroes 1 ru
Age of Heroes 3 ru
Age Of Heroes 4 ru
Air Strike 1944
Alonso Racing 2006
AMF Extreme Bowling 3D
Anarchy2087
Anarchy 2087
Ancient empires
Ancient empires 2
Antidur 240x320
Antidur_240x320
Antopia The Begining
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Army Of Heroes:agree:
Asphalt Urban GT 3_N73
AsphaltUrban GT 2_N73_marco:angel-white-matted:
Assault Iron
Asteroid Zone
Bad girls dormitory demo
BeachPingPong3D.J2ME
Billy The Kid-Wanted
Black.Hawk.Down.v0.0.4.240x320
Bloxx 9.1
bloxx_S60_31_WORLDWIDE:cute:
Bonks Return
Brain Juice
Brothers In Arms Earned In Blood 240x320
Bumper car
Burning Tires 3D 240x320 1.3.6
Burnout 4.3.21
California.Games:Banane06:
Call Of Duty 3 Nokia 240x320
CAPCOM.Street.Fighter.Alpha.Rapid.Battle:Banane04:
Capcom_2007_Resident_Evil-The_Missions
Caveman Evolution 240x320
Chaos Engine 240x320
Christmas Midnight Pool 240x320:Banane05:
Chuzzle 240x320
City Builder
Coaster Rush 3D 240x320




Click Download 50 Java 240x320 Games

Kaspersky Mobile Security 7.0.0.33

INFO:-

Kaspersky Mobile Security
Anti-Theft Protection for Your Smartphone!

Anti-Theft Protection
- Remotely blocks or deletes all personal data on your phone if it’s lost or stolen.
- Notifies you with the new phone number if your SIM card is removed.

Anti-Malware Protection
- Blocks unwanted SMS & adware messages.
- Keeps your phone free of malicious programs.
- Prevents your PC from becoming infected when syncing.

What if you left your smartphone in a taxi or on a table in a café? What if it was stolen?
Who would have access to all your contacts, messages, and personal and business files?

Kaspersky Mobile Security is a convenient and easy way to protect your confidential information and block malicious attacks and annoying SMS spam on your smartphone.

Why is it necessary to protect your mobile device? The loss or theft of your phone means that your personal data can end up in the hands of a stranger.
Plus, smartphones can fall victim to malicious attacks while downloading information from the Web, exposing the data on your phone to be stolen or damaged.
And the growth of SMS spam is becoming an increasing nuisance.

Designed by one of the most respected Internet Security Labs in the world, Kaspersky Mobile Security delivers the newest anti-cybercrime technologies directly to mobile devices with reliable anti-theft and anti-malware protection for your smartphone.

Anti-Theft Protection:
To protect personal data stored on your smartphone if lost or stolen, you can block your smartphone or delete files, messages, and your contacts remotely.
You can also find out who’s the “new owner.”

SMS Block – In the event of loss, you can send a “hidden SMS message” to block access to your smartphone until a pre-set password is entered.

SMS Clean – Similar to SMS Block, this will completely clean out your smartphone’s memory and memory cards.

SIM Watch – The SMS Block and SMS Clean functions are only available if a smartphone has the original SIM card installed.
If your phone is stolen, the “new owner” will most likely replace the original SIM card. The SIM Watch will prevent the thief from accessing your data without the original SIM card in the device.
If the original SIM card is replaced with a new one, SIM Watch automatically sends to you the new telephone number of the device without the thief’s knowledge.

Anti-Malware Protection:
SMS Spam Messages – Intrusive SMS messages containing adware can be a nuisance.

Kaspersky Mobile Security can block SMS messages sent from unwanted or incorrect addresses as well as SMS messages with inappropriate content.
Add phone numbers of known spam sources, incorrect numbers or unwanted text to a blacklist for blocking. Add your contact list to a safe white list.
In the Symbian version, MMS messages are also filtered.

Malicious Phone Attacks – Mobile devices malware can delete or steal confidential information, send mass SMS and MMS messages from infected phones, dial premium rate numbers without your knowledge, and transfer malicious code to a PC once a connection is established.

Kaspersky Mobile Security provides real-time anti-malware scanning of all incoming files and connections to keep you free of malicious programs.
You can pre-set the best time for scanning to be performed automatically. If an infected object is detected, it is stored in the quarantine folder or deleted.


Click Download Kaspersky Mobile Security 7.0.0.33

VCDCutter Pro 4

A video player (MPEG/VCD/DVD/AVI/OGG) that can control the playback of video file conveniently and friendly
VCDCutter Pro main features include: support slide show play of picture file; grab picture when you play video file; clip admiring
video segment; generate video file screen shot; on-line video broadcast; support window/screen capture; and also send the playing
video frame/picture to self-contained simulated video Webcam; and offering a wide variety of other functions.

VCDCutter Pro is a software that helps you cut and split video files.

VCDCutter Pro is also a software simulated Webcam. It can be simulated into a virtual Webcam and used in Biliao, Liaoliao,
EPH, QQ, MSN, NetMeeting, UC, and other software/chat room, for playing movie, MTV, picture, and as simulated Webcam
(Name of device: JiaoCap.
This function must be supported by WIN2000/XP. WIN9X does not support.)

Here
are some key features of "VCDCutter Pro":

? Control playback of the video file conveniently and friendly (including image resize, playback volume control, playback
speed control, etc.);
? Clip video file at the time of playback and save the clipped file in AVI/MPG1 format;
? Support clipping and chopping MPG1 file into smaller segments at equal length and combine smaller segments into large segment
file;
? Grab picture while play video file (including continuous grabbing);
? Support the slide show playback of picture file and provide numerous change modes of special effects;
? Support video file compression and conversion (compress and convert some video files into AVI format);
? Generate video file screen shot automatically or in batch;
? Send the playing video frame/picture to self-contained simulated video Webcam (Name of device: JiaoCap. This function must be
supported by WIN2000/XP. WIN9X does not support.)
? Support online video broadcast of video file and share with friends.
? Support window/screen capture. you can save captured frames as BMP or AVI, or send frames to self-contained simulated video
Webcam.


VCDCut Pro Supports the Playback of the Following File Formats:
*.avi; *.qt; *.mov; *.mpg; *.mpeg; *.m1v; *.dat; *.vob
*.wav; *.mpa; *.mp2; *.mp3; *.au; *.aif; *.aiff; *.snd
*.mid, *.midi, *.rmi
*.jpg, *.bmp, *.gif, *.tga

Limitations:

? You cannot play video file and pictures in full screen; each segment cut is only one minute when generating video clip. You can
cut 2 segments at the utmost.


Click Download VCDCutter Pro 4

MP3 Cutter and Joiner 2008 with keygen

Do you want to cut and get out the excellent part in an audio file? Do you want to join a lot of audio files into one file? Please test MP3 Cutter Joiner. It will be your best choice.
MP3 Cutter Joiner can one time cut and get out many excellent parts in many audio files. It can also joining the excellent part in a lot of audio files together too. And you don't need to cut and get out the excellent.

Steps to follow:

1. Download the file.
2. Extract the file.
3. Install the application by using mp3cutterjoiner.exe
4. Keygen is present in the Crack folder.
5. Generate the key and register your application.
6. Enjoy.


Click Download MP3 Cutter and Joiner 2008 with keygen

Microsoft Windows XP With SP2 Original English Version

MORE INFORMATION
Microsoft creates software updates for the products that are listed in the "Applies to" section in two different development environments. Software updates that address widespread critical issues, such as security vulnerabilities, and that are broadly released by Microsoft are also known as general distribution releases (GDRs). These software updates include the following:
? security updates
? critical updates
? updates
? update rollups
? drivers
? feature packs
These software updates are created in a development environment that is separate from hotfixes. Hotfixes are distributed by Microsoft Product Support Services to address a specific customer situation. Hotfixes are produced quickly to provide immediate assistance to specific Microsoft customers. Therefore, hotfixes may not be tested as thoroughly as security updates, critical updates, updates, update rollups, drivers, and feature packs. Microsoft maintains different development environments to isolate security updates, critical updates, updates, update rollups, drivers, and feature packs from hotfixes and the ongoing development work that is being performed by Microsoft for subsequent service packs. This process minimizes the risk for customers by allowing them to install only fixes that address widespread critical issues, such as security vulnerabilities, and that do not include hotfix files.

Security updates, critical updates, updates, update rollups, drivers, and feature packs for the products that are listed in the "Applies to" section include two or more copies of the same files to support these two different development environments for each "cardinal point" in the product's release cycle. A cardinal point exists for the original release version of the product and each service pack (SPx). GDR and hotfix copies of the same files are put in different folders in the software update package for each cardinal point in the product's release cycle. For example, before Service Pack 1 (SP1), security updates, critical updates, updates, update rollups, drivers, and feature packs for Windows Server 2003 contain two copies of the same files in RTMGDR and RTMQFE folders. After SP1 is released, Windows Server 2003 security updates, critical updates, updates, update rollups, drivers, and feature packs may contain copies of the same files in RTMGDR and RTMQFE folders and SP1GDR and SP1QFE folders. Files in the GDR folders contain only GDR-class fixes. Files in the QFE folders are cumulative and contain both the GDR-class fix and all previous hotfixes that affect the included binaries. Because Microsoft provides support for the current and the next most recent service pack (N and N-1), security updates, critical updates, updates, update rollups, drivers, and feature packs may contain up to six versions of the same files.

When you install a security update, critical update, update, update rollup, driver, or feature pack, the package installer (Update.exe) checks to see if your existing files are from the original release version (RTM), SPx, or the GDR environment or hotfix environment. If all the files that are being updated on your computer are from the original release version, SPx, or GDR environment (you have not previously installed a hotfix to update one of the files since the last cardinal point was established) then Update.exe installs the files from the appropriate GDR folder to your computer. If any of the files that are being updated on your computer are from the hotfix environment (you have previously installed a hotfix to update one of the files since the last cardinal point was established), Update.exe installs the files from the appropriate QFE folder to your computer.


Click The Download Microsoft Windows XP2